A family trip to the pool + surrender

I really had to muster up the willpower to get my suit on and venture to the pool with this crew. These months and months of transitioning our family from one pace and space of living to another has rocked my boat. I am tired of trying to find our rhythm. I am tired of having little boys who share their hurts and insecurities with me by doling out tantrums loud and long. I am tired of feeling out of place. I am tired of all the surrender. I am tired of being tired.

Swimming is something I am good at. Lifeguarding was a D E L I G H T of mine for summers that turned into years. But things that naturally come easily and happily for me are just not so in this initially unwelcomed but familiar season of life I’m in now, again. 

Soon I’ll be back. Because the Lord brings me along. I see glimpses of me in there sometimes, but then things are hard and like drudgery again. For a time.

But scrolling through my photos and seeing this one gave me a glimpse of me, “still here,” my eyes tell me; I see us, too. Ruairí and I. Us and our wee lot of beloveds. We’re here because God has brought us along. We’re growing and adapting because God is bringing us along. I find the willpower to grab my swimsuit and lug this lot to the pool because the Lord brings me along even in the tiny moments. I choose His refining over my resigning to the overwhelming moments of powerlessness, because God is bringing me along.  

🌊🏊🏻‍♀️💦 

“Today’s surrender is 

tomorrow’s freedom 

We come before you 

lay our burdens down

We turn to you 

as our hearts remember 

You are the only God

You are our only God.”

-All Sons & Daughters 

I’ll go get my swimsuit.